Almost 30 Trips Around the Sun and I Finally Tried that Thing.

Goooooooood [insert time of day here]! Thanks for tuning in to The Video Grant! Today's blog post is about a time during high school and that thing. 

It could be anything! It could even be a boat!

Let me take you back:

It was 2009-2010ish. Black Eyed Peas, Lady Gaga, Green Day and more are topping the charts on the radio waves. Alternative rock groups were springing up more and more and the angst was palpable. 

Not released in 2009, but you get the feeling.

I had just started the car and buckled up for a drive. The stretch of highway, a little patch of asphalt lovingly dubbed "The Gauntlet," between my parents' place and my destination was a daunting 15-25 minute commute, give or take traffic... and deer. 

So majestic. So delicious. So suicidal.

The speakers inside the car were blaring. The epic vocals of a chorus of singers and instruments were cascading out as I pondered the meaning of existence, morality, and my AP literature essay that I hadn't yet started. 

I wasn't listening to those Boom Boom Pows  though. I was rocking out to Avantasia's The Scarecrow  and Vanden Plas' Christ 0  heading towards my destination in my Mitsubishi Galant with the windows down because the A/C hadn't worked since before I got it. I had on a collared shirt, a cap, some stubble, and a sweet pair of Wal-Mart sunglasses. You could say I was a pretty cool guy.

I pulled into a place with grey walls, gold decorations, and a red roof. It was a pretty bumpin' place that time of the year. The parking lot was almost full and the inside was packed. There was a long line of cars stretching out onto the overpass waiting for their chance to enter the grounds. Clearly, this was a place everyone wanted to be. 

I pulled into the back parking area. It was one of those pseudo-reserved areas for those in the know. I placed my valiant metal steed into park, rolled up the windows until just enough was left open to not turn it into a furnace, and turned off the ignition with a beautiful pop from the engine. 

"I'll get that checked eventually," I thought to myself. 

Never did. That car wasn't long for this world and would eventually be replaced by the epic Oldsmobile Alero.

The radio system on that car kept running for a while even after the keys had been removed. It was customary for me to wait until the music stopped before I got out of the car. No cool person ever rushed into an establishment such as this. Makes you seem desperate or like you really needed the toilet. I wasn't either of those (...at least not that time).

The radio died out part way into January Sun. 

"Damn," I muttered as I checked the time. 3:25 p.m. 5 minutes until the event started. It was as good a time as ever to make my way in. 

Totally accurate picture of myself. Complete with bonus airplane. Lucky you.

I stepped out of the then toasty vehicle and waved to a familiar face enjoying her cigarette. She waved back with a small smile before checking her watch and giving me a knowing nod. She, like me, was one of the many high school students of that time. Underpaid, overworked, and too young to have legally bought that pack of menthols. 

I walked in through the side doors nearest the lot. The hustle and bustle of the room was still going strong. Lined up rows of waiting patrons anxious to have their turn at the marble counter. The proprietar, she knew my face and short stature well, gave me a smile and a pat on the back as I entered the restricted area. 

I walked to the back greeting and being greeted by those privy to the secrets of the establishment. The whirring and beeping sounds of the machines, the swishing movement from highly-skilled individuals, and the constant almost-silent "fucks" being muttered, filled the air like a cacophony of devils. 

After a few quick glances around, I found what I was searching for placed on the wall like the sacred scroll of a long-forgotten religion. Its standard-paper size minimizing the important scripture scrawled onto it by a clearly dying HP printer. I found my name listed upon it and the area that would house my body for the next 6-8 hours and gently guided my meat-shell towards the dictated grounds. I gulped down an anxious feeling.

At the determined location was a computer. It was medium-sized and well worn from the hands of those who entered wishes into it. The low glow on the screen requesting a username and password. I typed in the codes knowing full well what would come. The screen lights up showing an array of well-designed buttons and touch points. 

I looked up from the computer and put on my bravest face to look into the eyes of the man in front of me.

"Welcome to McDonald's! What can we get you today?" I said with an Oscar-winning smile. 

The Thing:

Neat little story, huh. It was a combination of a lot of the events that made up the years from 2009-2011. This article came out from a conversation with my girlfirend about Thousand Island salad dressing and how it was similar to Big Mac sauce. 

I want to give a little background my time at McDs. I worked there for about 3 years from junior year of high school to freshman year of college. I worked my way up to Crew Trainer and little did I know that that would be the start of my career in education; teaching people how to press buttons, smile, and not yell at customers. Happy to say, at least some of them learned how to.

I was never truly scarred by anything I saw or did at McDs. It's not that gross, not that difficult (but still immensly stressful), and not that terrible as far as a job goes. Would I go back to McDs? Only if I had no other choice. That doesn't mean I wouldn't recommend it to someone starting out or in need of work.

Anyway, onto the 30 years thing. In my nearly 30 year existence on this small blue planet in a vast ocean of stars, I had never tried a Big Mac. Ever. 

I had packaged and prepared probably thousands in the 3 years I worked at McDs, yet never tried one. I have been to over 15 countries, each having a McDs, and never ordered one. I have had coupons for them! Yet never bothered. 

Why? Not much of a reason really. It's not that they grossed me out or seemed unappealing. It's more that I just liked the Dollar Menu and the basic Double Cheeseburger. 

So now in 2022, living in Nagoya, Japan, I finally bought a Big Mac. Or should I say ビッグマック。

Yup. That's a ビッグマック.

How would it taste? Would I end up like Squidward having his first Krabby Patty?

Well, I am here to give my official review of the Big Mac! 

And it! 

Is!

fine.

Thanks for tuning in everyone! See you in the next episode! Don't forget to follow me on Twitter